keep it in the closet.

Rob Zombie gets to make movies. Bloody hell.

speaking of musicians directing- I have to talk about the R. Kelly "in the closet" video. First off- the song(s?) is bad enough. Last night at work the Fabulous K. mentioned it, as we were bitching about the crappy music we're playing (the fucking HERBIE soundtrack. I have to listen to Lindsay Lohan singing about how she wants to come first... or is it cum first? ew.) ans the Fabulous K. is like, "it could be worse. it could be that R. Kelly song." I of course don't listen to the radio because i am a horrendous Music Snob, so I had no clue what she was talking about. Then, I get home and David tells me that he's seen the most awful thing in the world- The new R. Kelly video. The freak turns the tv to BET (and I was watching Sex & the City on dvd!!) then checks MTV, VH-1. Like, just because he mentioned it, it will be on. Then 30 minutes later, it was. What. The FUCK? The song is so awful. I'm like, didn't this guy write "I Believe I Can Fly"?? What happened, R.? But the video... ok it's just this whole story about R. having this one night stand with some chick, but her husband comes home so he hides... get this: in the closet. and from there he witnesses the woman's husband (a pastor) coming home & figuring out that -whoa! there's a man in his house. and he came up to the closet and r was in the closet and he's singing in the closet. he opens the door. R. pulls out a gun (what the FUCK!?!? overreact much, R.?) they all have it out, my favorite part being R. requesting that they handle this in a Christian way while POINTING A FUCKING GUN!! So then the pastor, Rufus, is like- yeah, you cheated on me? guess what? He makes a phone call- "Baby, come over". And who shows up... but A GUY! Rufus is fucking around on his wife with ANOTHER MAN! They all argue. R. doesn't leave, oh no, he stays around and waves his fucking gun around and makes awful rhymes. (The whole video features bad actors lip syncing R.'s awful lyrics as they act them out) All this tension makes R. long for his lady, so, gun in one hand, he pulls out his cell & calls her up. Oh shit... a man answers the phone! R. isn't happy- he gets in his car & drives home. On the way home, he gets pulled over by a cop. Who "flicks away his cigarette and gives him a ticket". (Hmmm doesn't rhyme well, does it? No. No, it doesn't.) R. arrives at the house and finds his woman in the shower. He's like "bitch who was that man on the phone?" (the fucking misogyny in the video, did i mention? if i had to see one more fucking guy call a woman "bitch" i was gonna letterbomb VH-1, which btw- WTF is VH-1 playing this shit for??) Anyway, his woman's like "my brother came back early, you knew that." R. is like, d'oh! Then they start to have sex, but what's this? A rubber on his bed. Oh, no! R. gets all crazy again (despite the fact that he was fucking another woman himself!) and what comes out is that his girlfriend SAW him at the club with the other chick, and that somehow she knew her and her husband and his gay lover who introduced her to a guy who was... THE COP WHO PULLED R. OVER!! shit, i hope i didn't ruin this cinematic masterpiece for anybody, I just had to share because it was the worst thing that I've ever seen in my entire life! And I sat through half of Dee Snider's Strangeland. And Team America. And Godzilla '98. And Pearl Harbor. This takes the cake, though. Speaking of watching god-awful things that make me want to spoon out my eyeballs, I watched an episode of Jerry Springer this week. I was on my break & someone else was in the break room. I felt kinda rude, putting my ipod on and reading Persuasion. Yeah, I watched Jerry Springer rather than read Jane Austen. And those are brain cells I'm never getting back.

In other news, a very bad week for the Sayre boys and our celebrity crushes. First I read that Matt Keeslar got married! To a WOMAN! Which I suppose, secures Matty's position as my favorite Matt. Then, Dave finds out that Maya Rudolph is pregnant- by her boyfriend of 3 years... Paul Thomas Anderson! How the hell did we not know about this?? Why are we so far out of the loop??

Finally, wondering whether the reason I'm so obsessed with the Union Square store in particular is because Bic Runga sings about Union Square? I think this could be the reason, subconsicously. Bummed that I'm not in NYC yet as BAM is having a Johnny Depp film festival- Tonight is Nightmare on Elm Street, Saturday is Edward Scissorhands and Sunday's Cry-Baby. Lucky Brooklynites.

in the cd player: my Travis/Bic Runga mix
in the dvd player: Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (i'm finally gonna watch the special features!)
in the bookbag: PERSUASION by Jane Austen