you make me stay when i should not/are you so strong or is all the weakness in me

A couple of things to cover today.
First? Even before I've reached chapter one, I have a crushlet on Dave Eggers. Have you guys SEEN the bits on the title pages? Very funny man, such a shame that he's a 3 on the straight/gay chart. *sigh* they all are, aren't they? I didn't get to read much (i'm talking about A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, btw) because I was in the break room, there were people and I had to socialize. harumph. But I'm enthusiastic about getting around to it.
Second? Can we talk about the brilliance of Joan Armatrading's song "The Weakness In Me"?? Any Joan fans out there? I've only got her Greatest Hits album (for "Willow" and "Me Myself I" primarily), but over the past few weeks, "The Weakness in Me" has been something I've listened to over and over again (& forced other people to listen to as well because it's been on like, every mix I made- Lisa's Birthday mix, I think it's on one of the Frankie Thick mixes and it's even on the new Matty mix- shhh, don't tell him- it's a surprise!) Anyway, It's a really beautiful song. I love the quality of her voice... I think I'd love to hear Tanya Donelly or my beloved Bic Runga sing it, actually.
let's see, how can I Brooklyn this up a bit? I joined a mailing list for gay brooklyn! :) ok i have to go eat dinner and then... the second half of STATE OF PLAY! woo-hoo, living it up... etc.

-rick

my head's so heavy/could this be all a dream?

Tired.
I closed last night. We got out at 12:15- not too bad. But when I close it's pretty impossible for me to just go home & go to sleep, I'm so wired. I opened this morning. Up at 6:35 and feeling like I hadn't even slept. Semi-conscious and dressed, I had my glasses in my pocket. I sat down and they managed to somehow fall out of my pocket, onto the floor- one of the lens falling out in the process. I get to work (in an older pair of glasses, conspiring with my tiredness in irritating my eyes) and, being an hour early, I read. I finished ASSASSINATION VACATION (excellent, although the McKinley chapter is a bit slow at times, it does pick up towards the end). Oh. My. God. I have no backup book to read!!! Yeah, very Rory Gilmore I know (hmmm another Rory reference in as many days. Odd, I so want to be Lorelai... But in honesty? I'm Suki. Kooky & chubby & a supporting character) Fast forward to 4:30, I'm DEAD tired, bored and bookless.

Got home. Had chili. Project Greenlight. A couple of free downloads from Amazon (anyone into Bloc Party??)

happy.
rick
in the subject line: Bic Runga "drive" from DRIVE

was there a second of time i looked around?/did i sail through or drop my anchor down?

So yes, I stayed in bed till 3. OK, ok... I close tonight and open tomorrow morning. I felt justified in lazing about all day. Plus, I kept hoping for a continuation of my John Mayer dream. ahhh, yes. John. Cute? check. Tall? check. Funny? check. Talented? check. Good lips? check. Brown eyes? check. Gay? *sob*
In the dream I was doubling for The Chick In John's Video. See, they needed me because i was the only person androgynous enough who was able to swim up to the back of this boat and climb up into it- while it was still moving. And then of course, they switched to The Chick In John's Video, who got to make out with him because- y'know. HER body was a wonderland. Mine is more like an undeveloped swampland. Anyway, there was some John interaction underwater, but that's all I remember. Sadly, when I fell back asleep I dreamt that I was wanted for being an accessory to murder, knew that the cops were coming for me and had a stroke or something because the whole left side of my face froze, but I was too scared to tell Marion (my store manager) that I'd had a stroke & needed to go home, so instead made a page over the speaker system that sounded something like this: "Mllahhhgwwaah" to call someone ELSE to deal with the line of people going out the door so that I could go to the bathroom and cry.

I liked the John dream better.

and now It's 3:30 and I have to get ready to leave for work, which SUCKS because STATE OF PLAY showed up on the doorstep today and I'd much rather be watching it than asking people if they wanna spend $25 to save 10%!!

-rick
in the subject line: "Clarity" by John Mayer from HEAVIER THINGS

elliott man you played a fine guitar/and some dirty basketball/the songs you wrote got me through a lot/just wanna tell you that/but it's too late

Just a quick note with my thoughts on SONGS FOR SILVERMAN.
wonderful. I knew that I loved "Landed", but there are so many great songs. I absolutely adore the song he wrote for his daughter, "Gracie". It's funny- we have this cd that we're playing at work now- something like Golden Slumbers: A Father's Love- all these songs sung by men for their kids... most of it is the cheesiest, most awful shit you can imagine (except for Mr. Matthews that is!), so it's nice to see that someone like Ben can write a truly heartfelt, beautiful song that makes you feel good without cringing or thinking "how fucking corny!"
I also love the song "Late", which is the quote in my subject line. It's a song about another one of my favorite musicians, Elliott Smith. "The songs you wrote got me through a lot"... It honestly made me tear up. That is sorta the one thing you'd want to say to the artists you love... at least I would. "Jesusland" is SO great. Ahh, it's all good!! I definitely recommend this one, you guys. I don't think I'll be listening to anything else until the new Aimee is out next week!

-rick
who's thisclose to finishing ASSASSINATION VACATION, but in the interest of savoring Sarah is considering FINALLY getting around to watching MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO.

if you wrote me off i'd understand it/'cause i've been on some other planet/so come pick me up/i've landed

Stupid B&N!! They had a bookfair tonight- they have basically an entire school, parents & kids come in for a few hours, it gets INSANE, they make a huge mess. And tomorrow is day our district manager comes in for her once a year visit bullshit. we were all in kids till 1 in the morning because it was like a fucking bomb had gone off.

IT'S BEN FOLDS DAY!! (click on the link in the beautiful & timely quote that serves as my subject line to visit his page & find out about SONGS FOR SILVERMAN) Sadly, I actually got really screwed on the Ben Folds front- I got the special edition- which is a cd & a dvd in a really cool package. However the regular version is one of those new dualdiscs (CD on one side, flip it over & it's a dvd). The dualdisc has this Making of feature as well as the entire album in 5.1 dvd-audio AND a bonus version of "landed" with strings... The special edition dvd only has the feature, not the 5.1 album or the extra song!! Which means I woulda been better off if i had y'know, bought it for 11 bucks at fucking best buy!! grrr. whatever, i still love Ben. but he owes me.

In other music news? Reel Big Fish have a new cd out (that's shock #1- Reel Big Fish are still around). They cover a couple of songs- one being a Morrissey song (you know- I tried, but I can't get into Morrissey. I think that should have been a sign.) another being... "Talkin' 'bout a revolution" by Tracy Chapman. It is so wrong. on so many levels. I mean, seriously. I sampled it. I wanted so badly to throw the cd across the room or something. Awful.

Has anyone ever read A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius? or is it A Staggering Work of Heartbreaking Genius? I think it's going to be my next book. I have that as well as another Sarah Vowell book (Radio On: A Listener's Diary) on bat, but i'm leaning towards David Eggers for a few reasons. A: Rory was reading it in Gilmore Girls last week and maybe if I model my life after hers, I too will be able to make out with the adorable Matt Czuchry. B: David Eggers is quite a hottie. (Which is not a knock at Vowell, but we all know that I prefer... ok I had to edit myself. Men.) C: This is the last Sarah book that I haven't read & who knows when she'll write something new and I will be able to read her again, so I should save it for later. It's all about savoring, kids. BTW- yet another reason that Matty is my favorite Matt in the world? He was the one who introduced me to Sarah Vowell, by sending me a copy of TAKE THE CANNOLI and saying that her "voice" reminded him of me. THAT is a huge compliment (one I'm not totally deserving of -she's much smarter than I could ever be) but I'll take it anyway. Which reminds me- this lovely woman who comes into my store quite often and recently remarked on my weight loss was back tonight. "You keep getting skinnier & skinnier" she said. I was like... YOU ARE LYING!! Because I hadn't done situps in like a month, before yesterday & I'm feeling like a fat blob again. But it made my day to hear her say it anyway... I don't know what my problem is, never being able to accept a COMPLIMENT even, but I've gotten to the point where I'm just as uncomfortable about people mentioning my losing weight as I am when they mention that I've gained it. I really am a therapist's dream, kids. (And dirty little voyeurs, although I don't think I tipped any of them off when I relocated, did I? hmmm... shame.)

Well, honestly, this is all I want to do for the forseeable future. Read books. Watch Gilmore Girls. I really feel the need to be where people are not. I'm hermiting, I'm feeling anti-social, I really just want to disappear inside myself for a bit... Disappearing. sounds lovely. But alas, I can't disappear because I have to go back to work Thursday and make money, to move to Brooklyn with Lily & Chris (where are you, Chris?!?).

Which reminds me- I know how paradoxical this probably sounds, talking about staying inside my room and hermiting, but I mentioned to Lily that I'd really like to volunteer at the GLBT Center in NY. I've always harbored fantasies about being involved in the Gay community, only in Miami we don't really seem to have one. That's not true, I'm sure there's... something. Anyway, they have a really interesting website & you know- I could volunteer in their library once a week. It sounds interesting and definitely the sort of change that I hope to make when I get up there...

And i'm sorry, Lily, because you had to read all of this twice, but I edited, so you can re-live it, if you wish. Do you know it took me this long to realize this, but I kept thinking "I thought her boss was a woman..."


-rick
in the dvd player: The Making of Howards End
in the discman: BEN FOLDS: SONGS FOR SILVERMAN, duh...

it's not finished! .... it's finished.

I found this on the SPACED website (link in blog title) I thought it was interesting & knew that at least one other person would think so. It's (I *heart*) Simon Pegg discussing some of the influences on SPACED:
Simon wrote (Mid-April, 2001):
"I've never really spoken of, or recommended one of the key influences on the writing of Spaced, this being the show,
Northern Exposure. It's a lot gentler than Spaced but it nevertheless
inspired me in it's use of the dreams and 'what if' sequences. The central strory concerns a New York doctor, who finds himself paying off his medical school tuition by serving as practitioner in a remote Alaskan township. It's nothing like Spaced really but if you watch it you will see kindered sentiments. Indeed when we pitched Spaced to LWT in early 97' we said it would be a cross between The Simpsons, The X-Files and Northern Exposure. "

if gravity let us go/we would all go flying/i'll meet you somewhere in the milky night/way past the satellites

So even though I was really planning on getting out of bed by noon at the latest, I ended up getting depressed and pulling the covers over my head for another two hours.

I wish I was sitting at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, watching the cherry blossoms bloom. I look forward to doing that next spring.

-rick
in the subject line: "Gravity" by Bic Runga from BEAUTIFUL COLLISION

how long do i have to climb/upon the side of this mountain of mine?

many good things on this day off.

*I finally saw KAGEMUSHA. Another beautiful film by Kurosawa. It's one of his most painterly films (in my world, Kurosawa is cinema's finest painter, Kasi Lemmons it's finest poet- rent Eve's Bayou and TELL me that movie isn't poetry on celluloid- not just the dialogue & story, but the narration, which pours forth like honey from Tamara Tunie's beecharmer voice, but Amy Vincent's cinematography, the editing of Terilyn Shropshire and Terence Blanchard's haunting score. There's a reason I remember these names- I was that impressed.) You can definitely see how he progressed from KAGEMUSHA to RAN. I guess I do have more to be thankful to George Lucas for something other than the original Star Wars trilogy- It was the profits of Star Wars that he used to co-finance KAGEMUSHA along with Francis Ford Coppola. I only wish he'd gone back and studied Kurosawa's films before embarking on the god-awful PHANTOM MENACE. But that's a rant for David, I think.

*I got a free itunes download from my pepsi! I downloaded the new Coldplay single "Speed of Sound". Who would have known that when my very favorite Matt (right up there with Keeslar) told me to pick up an album called PARACHUTES that one day they'd be one of the most ginormous bands in the world? Good call, Matty.

*I saw BIRTH. I can't express how much I hope everyone will check this movie out. I've been reading some of the reviews on IMDB and people really seem to either love or hate it. There's the creepiness factor, yeah... (A woman meets a 10 year old boy who says he's her dead husband and they forge a strange connection) but it's an extraordinary movie. In fact, to come back to a (strangely) recurring theme of my blog- I'd call it Kubrickian at times. I've read complaints about the moments of silence in the movie- in particular a scene that takes place during a symphony, which was one of the most amazing moments of the film. Nicole Kidman, who is recognized for so many performances, was really not given her due for this, and I think in time people will come to see it as one of her most amazing films- and that symphony scene will be played in every Nicole's Greatest Hits montage to come. Cameron Bright, who plays the 10 year old boy does an amazing job of being a spookily mature soul one moment and a 10 year old boy the next. Danny Huston was the perfect actor to cast as her fiancée (I also find him strangely HOT) and Anne Heche? I always forget how highly I regard her as an actor because most of the time I'm too distracted by how crazy she is (And I'm speaking as someone who was a huge fan of hers 'til I read her book, "Call Me Crazy". It's okay, Brando was crazy, too, Anne) I probably can't say enough about the movie, but it was a story that hasn't been told before, and if it has, never quite in this way. Definitely give it a try. But remember who recommended it- the guy who apparently loves that which is slow, boring and/or depressing.

*Finally, on IMDB reading what other people thought of BIRTH, I clicked on the director, Jonathan Glazer's name to find that his next film is going to be a remake of Hideo Nakata's mystery CHAOS. I love that movie (although why can't people just see the original film?? Why are American's subtitle-phobic? Oh, yeah, it's that whole America is illiterate thing. I guess I take comfort in knowing that Hideo is RAKING IN THE CASH since we're remaking all of his movies- The Ring/The Ring 2 (he remade that one himself)/Dark Water and now Chaos.) Robert De Niro is attached. I'd be wary if I weren't so impressed by BIRTH. So. you know. Yipee!

speaking of Dark Water- I'm looking for a replacement- who's gonna go see it with me? Jennifer Connelly- yum yum yum! ok that only works for the straight guys. and the lesbians. and those of us who are gay but still find Connelly superhot.

-rick
on bat for the dvd player: Love Song for Bobby Long or (finally) Howard's End
in the subject line: "Speed of Sound" by Coldplay (of course)

change the radio/i hate background music/turn it off or make it loud

It is apparently impossible for me to watch anything with subtitles this week. For the third time, I've tried watching KAGEMUSHA and for the third time, I've drifted off to sleep during it. I blame Barnes & Noble for making me super tired.

Also today figured out that pretty much everything I like is considered depressing or boring to others. Case in point: EYES WIDE SHUT. Another case in point- this cd we play at work that I absolutely love- EISLEY. It's really cool, pretty melodies, harmonies... I would say it's dreamy. It's almost shoegazing lush sorta music for the new millenium. Apparently they turn down the volume in the café when we play it. I literally had so many people giving me shit about playing it that I turned it off. What did they want to hear? Buddha-fucking-Bar. Plus, I was also told that another cd we played was depressing.... Emiliana Torrini (Icelandic/Italian how 'bout that). Here's a line from the song "Home alone and happy/nothing brings me down". It's a happy, summery song- it's called "NOTHING BRINGS ME DOWN" dammit!! But, it's a ballad, so this is what makes it so depressing- if there's no thumping of any kind it must be depressing, right? Yes, it's my continuing war vs. background music. I guess the thing is that most people think of music as candy, not nourishment. I'm all for candy- hello, I have every Kylie Minogue album- more than one version of a couple and there are days when I'm all Kylie all the time- but I guess that most people just want to put a cd in and just let it be, rather than actively listening to it and letting it move them. So another lesson learned is that much like all my navelgazing about things beyond my control & my inability to just let go & let things be, I'm apparently also overthinking popular entertainment.

and everyone who knows me and is reading this just went "DUH"

rick
in subject line: "On These Wheels Again" by Jules Shear from BETWEEN US
still with the: Kagemusha/Assassination Vacation

i propped my window up and then/i turned my back to lure you in/to rifle through what might have been/let me try, baby, try

So spent some time last night creating my profile here. What's really cool is that you can find other people with your interests by clicking on the keywords. Surprisingly, I'm not the only person who lists Eve's Bayou and The Caveman's Valentine among my favorite films & surprisingly many people have Bic Runga listed in their faves, but I'm alone in my love for Kasi Lemmons, Matt Keeslar & Simon Pegg (Although Spaced has some fans among the bloggers). Actually, the majority of people with common interests are in England. *sigh* lucky bastards. Plus, I love the random question entry.

But how come there's never a place to list all the things that you hate? 'Cause I confess: I'm a hater. So, here's my list of anti-favorites:

Movies/TV Stuff I Hate: Friends. Mel Gibson; Jennifer Lopez; Everybody Loves Raymond; Our local Fox newscast; Frasier & Seinfeld (I just created so many enemies, but it's more a case of overexposure than anything) ; Larry Clark; Todd Solondz (I know, I just lost some cool film snob points, but fuckit); I'm also sort of over Scarlett Johanssen. It should go without saying that Rob Schneider sucks. I SHOULD hate Showdog Moms & Dads... because the queers on that show make me ashamed to be a fag and kinda incite the desire to commit some gay-on-gay violence. But it's just so wrong that it qualifies as a guilty pleasure from someone who usually doesn't let himself be drawn into those kinda car-wreck reality shows, but has faltered. (Look, it's been a crappy year so far- I need to see that there are people out there more sad & pathetic than me!) I've also become a little anti-Julia Roberts. Although I do respect the fact that she's got enough power in Hollywood to ensure that EVERY SINGLE MOVIE SHE MAKES will have her signature "I'm falling on a bed, laughing, surrounded by my pretty hair" moment. I also admit, in fear of making everyone hate me (join the club, though) that I really can't stand 2001: A Space Odyssey. In fact, when it comes to Kubrick, I prefer Eyes Wide Shut. yeah, that's the kinda freak yer dealing with.

Music I Hate: Enya; The Buddha-Bar cds, Cirque du Soleil, "popera"; Avril Lavigne (I dreamt the other night that someone burned me a copy of Avril's cds because they thought that I'd really really like her); Evanescence; Creed; Britney, Xtina and Jessica (so much more after she covered "Angels" by Robbie Williams. You can't cover someone's signature song!! Especially if you're JESSICA FUCKING SIMPSON!!!) Anything new age, smooth jazz, chillout- if it's meant to be pretty background music? I think it's pretty pointless. Toby Keith, Eminem & 50 Cent (on principle)

Books I Hate: Whatever the last Anne Rice book I read was. Blackwood Farm, maybe? The one where Lestat starts calling people "Dude". What the FUCK?? It brought to mind the Dorothy Parker line about how some books should not just be shut, but thrown forcibly across the room. Um... I didn't like the sequel to Wither. I dunno, I guess I'm not a book hater.

Right then, have a nice Sunday!
-rick
in the dvd player:Kagemusha by Akira Kurosawa
in the bookbag: Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell
in the subject line: "High on Sunday 51" from Aimee Mann: LOST IN SPACE

Feels like I'm in jail/With you & Mr. Hyde/A man who leaves a trail/About a mile wide...

I forgot to mention how incredibly psyched I am that the brilliant BBC series STATE OF PLAY is finally coming out on dvd next week. (Well, in the UK, but I'm a region-free dvd player kinda geek) OR how freaking cool it is that it's scheduled to arrive on my doorstep the same day as the new Aimee Mann cd, THE FORGOTTEN ARM. Yaay May 3!
I have been talking up the new Aimee to everyone lately- especially after hearing some of the new songs from itunes. "Going Through the Motions" is possibly my favorite of the new tunes (it first appeared on her live cd/dvd last year) so you should all like, download it from itunes or just go to her website by clicking the subject line and check it all out for yourself.

-rick
in the DVD player: ANGEL: Season Five
in the bookbag: ASSASSINATION VACATION by Sarah Vowell
in the subject line: "Going Through the Motions" from Aimee Mann: THE FORGOTTEN ARM

I'll tell you what I want. What I really, really want.

i'm writing to reach you/but i can never reach you

I got carded today.
While buying a lottery ticket.
You have to be 18.
I'm 31.
It was a good day.

Thoughts on what I'll do with my winnings. Move to England. Hang out in London for a bit. Find myself a Simon Pegg lookalike who also happens to be just like his character from Spaced. Listen to lots of Travis and Kylie. Watch brilliant British television. Use the word "brilliant" a lot more. And "pint", "pub" and "flat." Eventually send word to everyone in Miami that I hopped ship for the UK. Send postcards. Stalk Martin Freeman, Nick Hornby and Fran Healy. Become friends with Jessica Stevenson ("brilliant"), Jennifer Saunders and Gwyneth Paltrow (try not to steal Chris Martin away). Yeah, I've done enough damage here in the US- Beware men of England... I'm on my way!!

as long as my numbers get picked.