"Take that, Rachel Yamagata!" -CrazyhEdwin

1) Do you have a cell phone? Yes- despite proclaiming that I would never never NEVER have one.

2) Do you like boots? Like a fetish o something? Nope. I did have a pair of docs... but they're in Miami.

3) Do you have a cat? No. BOTH the cats I had as a child were given away by my parents because they didn't like my brother. That is, the cats didn't, not my parents, who obviously like my brother since they chose him over my cats.

4) Have you ever gone bungee jumping? "Hell to the no!"

5) Do you wear fake pearls? No. and I won't even make the obvious joke about pearl necklaces.

6) Have you ever shoplifted? Again, no. SHOPLIFTING NATION!!

7) Have you ever stole candy from the candy shop? Nope. Did the Lady Chablis write this?

8) Do you live in an apartment? Yes. Kind of.

9) Have you ever stayed up all night? Yep- last night, actually. I slept between 7:45-12:15 today. go me.

10) Do you like little kids? No, quite the contrary, I hate little kids. Hate with a capital "F".

11) Do you take pictures of people's toes? "Toes!!" ....no. i don't do feet.

12) True or false: you have a sister named Mackenzie. Who am I, Chynna Phillips? False.

13) Do you like to perform? Yeah, sort of.

14) Have you ever been to Chicago? Ah, yes- the windy city! um. no.

15) Does your mom know you have a MYSPACE? Yep.

16) Does your mom HAVE a myspace? Nope.

17) Have you ever cut yourself (on purpose)? Not exactly. I'm a banger, not a cutter.

18) Are you famous in your own little world? Yes. Yes, I am.

19) Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes. And recently spotted Mr. Big himself in my store. I controlled myself, though.

20) Do you like Hilary Duff? No, what am I, a 10 year old girl?

21) Do you like to take pictures of yourself? No, but it's like having a cellphone- I don't like it, but I do it.

22) Why are you taking this survey? I don't know, it's a very strong compulsion to go on and on about myself.

23) Do you like oversized sunglasses? No. I fucking hate people who wear them, too. Especially inside. I want to kick them.

24) Do you like Paris Hilton? EVERYBODY knows this one. I think she's the perfect example of what's wrong with the world today. "paris hilton, paris hilton- stupid whore!"

25) Do you play with bubbles? I love blowing... bubbles. (yeah, i could've gone with some weird "bubble butt" joke, but that's too graphic, better to make a Dracula reference that's only slightly dirty)

26) Are you a redhead? No. But I HAVE been.

27) How many uncles do you have? three. And none of them are Bob, thank you very much.

28) What kind of computer do you have? it's an ibook. and it's just the best most cutest computer ever made! aren't you? AREN'T YOU!!

29.) Are you superstitious? I try not to be, but when I walk under a ladder or something, I do think "oh shit!"

30) Do you read the dictionary for fun? no, but your mom does.

31) Do you shop at Hollister? I don't know what that is.

32) Have you ever worn fishnet tights? No, but if I did I could be Black Canary for Halloween!

33) Have you ever been called a loser? Yes. Usually by myself in e-mails to Matty and/or Lily.

34) Do you have an iPod? Yes. It is my best friend, my companion, my one true thing. It's on right now, playing some Tracy Chapman- "All That You Have Is Your Soul"

35) Are you a skater? No. I used to be a rollerskater. Which is not as cool.

36) Do you think spelling "skater boy" like "Sk8er boi" is cool or weird? I think retarded should be an option. And I think April Levine (shut up, I know, I know) ought to be muzzled.

37) Do you like Britney Spears? No. but not as much as I don't like Paris Hilton.

38) Have you ever had an eating disorder? ummm. probably.

39) Have you ever been to Israel? No.

40) Do you like to wear polka dots? Okay, not only "no", but no one I know is that gay.

41) Do you and your friends like to hang out at diners? The Hollywood Diner! yes.

42) Do you steal sugar packets from restaurants? No, but I should do that now that I've only got the crappy unsweetened Kool Aid.

43) Do you speak French? I know some words in French. But no. Despite having taken 2 years of it in High School. The brainspace that retained the knowledge of French has been co-opted by song lyrics & obscure movie facts.

44) Are you Jewish? No. But Lily wishes we were.

45) Are you/were you ever a Girl Scout? ...no.

46) Do you watch SNL? Yes. And I Tivo'd it and haven't watched yet!!

47) Do you believe what you read in tabloids? Do I look like some inbred hillbilly to you? Don't answer that. NO.

48) Are you a pyromaniac? Heh. not so far, although I did mention how badly I wanted to set fire to the building today at work because it would have meant that I wouldn't have to listen to Enya anymore. I thought I had escaped having to listen to fucking Enya at work when I got out of Barney's Music Wonderland.

49) Do you have a fish? Not anymore. :( *sniff*

50) Have you ever partied all night? Not so much partied...

51) Do you want to join the Navy? Oh, just because I'm GAY you're asking me if I wanna join the Navy? You want me to sing a Village People song for you now? No. I'm not going to do it.

52) Do you eat string cheese by peeling it or just biting it? I don't eat string cheese. And: Eww.

53) Do you like cranberry juice? No. wait. Yeah. I think maybe I do.

54) Do you want to be a model? "i didn't eat anything yesterday! And I'm not gonna eat anything today! And I'm not gonna eat anything tomorrow! Cuz I'm gonna be a SUPERMODEL!!" ...no.

56) Do you call fries "French fries" or "Freedom fries" or something else? oh gimme a break. French Fries!! Although the greatest pizza place in Brooklyn do list them as "Freedom Fries" on their menu. The only negative thing about our beloved Korner Pizza.

57) Do you like sparkly things? Shiny! I like to look at them, but not really wear them.

58) What does your mousepad look like, if you have one? Trackpad, sorry.

59.) Do you watch the family guy? YES. Who doesn't?!?

60) Do you Sing? Yes, but not in front of others.

61) Do you pop your collar? No. And I have to say... it looks kinda retarded. But what do I know about fashion?

62) Do you shop at Hot Topic? Nope.

63) Do you live in a city? Oh please, I live in THE city.

64) Do you read Harry Potter? No. but I will when Lily brings her books up.

65) Are you athletic? You clearly have never seen a picture of me.

66) Do you like chocolate? Yes. In fact when Dr. Andrew Weil is in our store this month for an event, I'm going to kick him in his Grizzly Adams balls for looking down on me & my addiction in his book about addictions called "From Chocolate to Morphine"

67) Have you ever lived in Kansas? No. Although I knew the hottest fucking guy who was from Kansas. Or maybe just Kansas City in MO.? Whatever. He was hot.

68) Do you have satellite TV? Yes. and it might end up being worth it if we don't have to have more people come out to fix it for like a 6th time in a month. fucking pain in the ass satellite.

69) Are you a dancer? NO.

70) Do you like Doritos? I do. I enjoy both the Nacho Cheese & Cool Ranch Doritos, but my favorite hands down are the Salsa Doritos. Mmmmm.

71) Do you smoke? No, there are so many more interesting ways to kill myself.

72) Are you in a band? Bande á part.

73) Do you wear Bermuda shorts? Nope.

74) Do you work out at the Y? No- if I'm going to go to the Y, it's going to be to meet a cute guy. Wait- the Y? WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS BASED ON VILLAGE PEOPLE SONGS? homophobic survey.

75) Have you ever paid for something in all nickels? Like, a soda...

76) Do you like strawberry ice cream? Nope.

77) Have you ever passed out? Yes. In the locker room in high school. I woke up surrounded by half naked guys. and that's how I became gay.

78) How many bones have you ever broken? Mine or other peoples? Mine- none. David's... well I didn't *break* it...

79) Do you make prank calls? Not really. Unless you count the times at B&N when Banky would page for someone to call him back & I'd call the extension and hang up, repeatedly. In music, you had to make up your own fun.

80) Have you ever sent a lot of pizzas to an enemy so they'd have to pay for them? Yeah and then we stole the other team's mascot and looked through a peephole into the girl's locker room!! ...no.

81) Do you have a digital camera? No, but I have Lily and SHE has a digital camera.

82) Do you like shopping at Staples? I don't think I've ever been to Staples. Sheltered, I know.

83) Have you ever cut class? Yeah.

84) Do you shop at abercrombie? Fuck Abercrombie & Fitch. (that's a big "no")

85) Have you ever shot spitballs when the teacher wasn't looking? Nope.

86) Have you ever kissed someone just to make your crush jealous? Nope. Although I did once almost meet a man I met online to make a crush jealous. Which wouldn't have worked because he was straight & probably too busy smoking crack or whatever to care.

87) Has anyone rejected you when you asked them out? Not since Susan Artigas in the 10th grade. Maybe because I haven't asked anyone out since.

88) Have you ever had a friend tell a crush you liked them? I um. I'm not sure if my friend told my crush that I liked him, or if he figured it out himself... finally. It was pointless anyway, so who cares.

89) Do you ski? No, drugs are bad & coke is SO 80s.
...oh wait, you meant like... ski. Um. No.

90) Are your parents strict? Nope.

91) Do you play lacrosse? I'm not even really clear on what lacrosse is.

92) Have you ever been evicted? Not yet, but give me a couple of months & I'm sure I'll fuck this up for everybody!

93) Have you ever gotten detention for something you didn't do? Nope, I did everything I got detention for. "And I'd do it again, I tell ya!!"

94) Have you and your best friend ever liked the same person? We do have very similar taste. But they're mostly celebrities, so that's okay. Although we both shared crushes on the same co-workers quite often.

95) Have you ever gotten drunk? Yeah, we all know about me & the Bennigan's chick. Drunk Rick=bad & dangerous.

96) Do you have a crush on a celebrity? I have a crush on EVERY celebrity! Like Mr. Big... who I was like THISCLOSE to.

97) Have you ever gotten a haircut that everyone had and then the next day it was "uncool"? No, I don't really do things that everyone else does. Which is something I should rectify because, hi, I'm a giant loser. I should conform- shop at A&F and maybe then the boys will want me. and my dirty pillows.

98) Have you ever got caught in the undertow at the beach? No, but if that ever happens to you, don't fight it, just ride it out!! I remember this from lifeguard training and shit.

99) Do you like steak? Not usually.

100) Did you like this survey? I did. Which says more about me than all of these ridiculous answers possibly ever could.