hiding beneath my blankets and sheets i'm finally free/i'm killing the ghost of you and i'm close to awakening me

Oh, Matty. I love that you are my own personal optimist. Look, it's not that I'd turn this imaginary guy away, simply that I don't need to sit around thinking about finding someone & wanting something to happen. Because as I was recently reminded, I am no good with all this relationship crap. I get retarded and honestly, I hated the way I was when the little spot in my heart that had been shut down for so long re-opened and started flashing "man! crush! need! want!" For me it's a road that always, always ends up in misery. "I'm getting tired of useless desires" to quote my dearest Patty Griffin. It might be sad for you to think I'd feel that way, but I'm saner/happier being on my own and not torturing myself with imagined "what ifs". Maybe it's just easier, but I need some easy right now. Besides, I'm not giving up or anything... I'm just waiting for Matt Keeslar.

ps: My friend Shawn has joined the blogspot madness! Go here:
http://stillbeonmyfeet.blogspot.com/

subject: Anna Nalick, "bleed" from WRECK OF THE DAY
dvd: REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE

Oh, CK Dexter HAVEN! CK DEXTER HAAAAAVEN!!!!!

Watching THE PHILADELPHIA STORY today, woo-hoo!

It inevitably reminds me of when I began working at B&N and Xavier called me "Red" (the way that Cary Grant calls Katharine Hepburn "Red"!). Which then makes me think of the fact that he would quote Patty Griffin lyrics. I think there should be some kinda rule- that if a guy is *SO* much on the same page as you, you can have him by default. Damn heterosexuals. Of course if that were the case I'd be stealing straight guys right & left, or be with the Matt Who Broke My Heart. Who had the added bonus of being taller than me, which is a plus. And those brown eyes and giant smile... Nice arms, too. Well, pre-junkie phase, clearly. *sigh* Despite recalling crushes little & big, I've discovered lately that I've gotten back to feeling content alone, which is incredibly nice as I though it was something I'd never get back again. Feeling very much at peace lately when it comes to that part of life, and ever so happy for it.

Saw BATMAN BEGINS yesterday. Pretty good movie. I think there were a couple of things I could do without- The cape thing- Okay, I can see him using it to glide... a bit. But the glide went on so long that he was practically flying & y'know... Batman doesn't fucking fly. It was a little too Demi Moore in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. And the Batmobile on the roofs of Gotham was just fucking ridiculous. I like to think that these are the bits David fucking Goyer wrote. Christian was great as Bruce Wayne, but as Batman... Argh. It's not easy for me to say anything derogatory about him. Even in stuff like Reign of Fire and Corelli's Mandolin, Christian gives a performance that is better than his material. And I understand how there needs to be a difference between Bruce/Batman. But as Batman he was turned up to 11, just a touch too much. Still, it was right up there with the two Burton Batman films (I'd put it second, below my favorite BATMAN RETURNS & above the first BATMAN. Yes, I'm a freak & we've already dealt with that. I LIKE EYES WIDE SHUT people, deal with it!! Which reminds me, have any of you bastards tried BIRTH yet??)

Anyway, had a nice day- well, I went to the dentist, but then had a nice day- BATMAN, Cheesecake Factory & then home. Mom & I watched SAFE PASSAGE and then I made a mix for Shawn. Today, staying in bed slacker that I am, watching old movies (PHILADELPHIA STORY/CALL NORTHSIDE 777/EAST OF EDEN -from the James Dean box that I got at work for 45% off due to some clever coupon clipping!) later- Pizza. And then work till the 4th. blah.

Finally, I put in for my transfer. Officially! Let's hope that, you know... I get it. *gulp!*

wishing wells & wedding bells/early morning dew/all kinds of everything remind me of you

The State of the Union (of the Snake)
So here's the thing with music lately. I never fall in love anymore.
Granted, once in a while there's someone new who comes along and catches my ear, an album that I get and listen to and end up knowing entirely by heart. Anna Nalick is the big surprise this year. But honestly, I miss being excited about new music the way I used to be. Like, there's this girl at work, Alejandra- her husband José is all about music, so he comes up and spends like 30 minutes talking to me about music & new stuff- he's let me borrow Snow Patrol & Bloc Party & Dresden Dolls. And while I really like the Snow Patrol album, I really just like about half the album. Then, with Bloc Party, it's like, I like them for a sort of mood they create but I don't latch onto their stuff the way I used to.
So it's like, all I really want to listen to are the songs I've loved for years, or artists that I love- Like the new collection of Sinéad O'Connor songs is so great... *sigh* I don't know. Maybe I'm getting old. I have to be, I think I've discovered the exact divider between being young and old- when I see someone (especially a white kid. especially a gay, white kid.) with their hat cocked to the side (except for Mraz who can get away with it) I just think, wow you look ridiculous. For some reason this makes me think- wow, I'm now part of the older generation, I'm the guy who's like "pull up your damn pants and straighten your hat!" Finish that sentence with "young whippersnapper" and you'll get the picture.
But back to the whole music thing- I sometimes feel like an idiot when I'm talking to José about music, because I just can't articulate very well what I think about music. Half the time I'm like "why am i talking i have no idea what i'm talking about, i can't talk about music!". Because really, with music it's all about the way it makes me feel. It's like, how can I explain why it is that I love the new Coldplay? I could be poetic and say that when the music swells my soul just rises. When he sings "i will try to fix you" i swoon because I like to think there's a guy like that somewhere. How can I tell you how happy it is to have this Sinéad O'Connor album, because I have spent half my life with her voice and her words and I just want to lose myself in this disc and sing along to "Visions of You", which inevitably makes me think of Shawn, who first put that on a mix of Sinéad rarities for me years ago, on tape and I brought it to work at Toys R Us and listened to it while I stocked video games and remote control cars and crushed on a bow-legged wiseass named Orlyn. How to talk to someone about the way that the Indigo Girls sometimes make me want to just cry because being a fan of theirs has given me so much, has brought so many people together and literally changed the lives of people I know? Or how some of Joni Mitchell's music draws me in when I feel lonely and cold and gives me such an immense sense of comfort? That Fiona Apple's song "The First Taste" always makes me think of a snake charmer because it makes me sway, literally sway every time I hear it? And yeah, Kylie's music makes me happy, SO happy, jumping up and down, grinning from ear to ear happy. Björk, too. So when you ask me about someone like Bloc Party or The Bravery or Honeydogs, whatever- I can say, yes, they're good, they're really good & I like to listen to the album. I enjoy hearing it, it's well done. But it's rare these days for something to make me FEEL something, feel really strongly about the music.
In a way, it's the same thing with film. Like, yesterday Juan Marcos & Marta came by my store. We got to talking about movies (of course) and I mentioned that I'd seen The Dreamers. He asked what I thought, and I went on a wild ramble about it. Granted, part of all this is that usually the people I'm talking to are SO much cooler than me & I'm like, "yeah, i'm just an ass". Also, when it comes to movies, I'm somewhat easy.
For example? How badly do I want to see "Bewitched"?!? And "Dark Water". And no one to see them with. I shall use this blog to make a broadcast- spanning over the entire Internet: MATT KEESLAR!! COME TO ME!! I need a movie buddy/boyfriend and you're the cutest in the universe. I promise that I won't make any judgements about "Mr. Magoo". I mean, how could I? I own "Sour Grapes" and "Texas Rangers" solely for their brief Keeslarness.

*sigh*

"We're just mates, aren't we? We're Chums!" "Get off me!"

Can I please have a Simon Pegg for Christmas this year? Can I, please?? And a Kevin Smith for Lily. And... Oh, I'll take Edgar Wright as well. He has very good hair.

full is not heavy as empty, not nearly my love. not nearly my love. not nearly...

weird week.
minor scare to start things off, but all is well. (Unusual bump+big imagination=FREAKOUT)
X+J are in BKLYN already and sending pictures that go "Nyah Nyah Nyah!" My favorite is of the street outside their window. It makes good wallpaper, too. wishing i was in Brooklyn now now now already and quietly frightened that D.C. is going to charm Lily away from us the way Angelina Jolie hooked Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston.
work is very tiring & for unknown reasons, more stressful than usual, despite the fact that nothing's really going on. I think I'm just tired & have had a lot on my mind, so work is more of a bother than normal.
luckily have a beautiful new collection of Sinéad O'Connor songs to curl up with and woo-hoo the next CRACKER disc from Netflix to watch whilst eating mint chocolate chip ice cream. (After Celebrity Charades, which is me & Dave's new obsession)
and bonus- Mr. T brought me some Pez and a new Eeyore Pez dispenser. good day.

listening to: Sinéad O'Connor/COLLABORATIONS
on tap for dvd: CRACKER: Series 2, Disc 1 and NINE QUEENS (how can this be as good as CRIMINAL without Diego Luna?)
bookwise: Yeah, still reading SUMMERLAND. Look, I haven't read any of it in like a week, alright?!? Jeez. And I'm a slow reader. And I'm just... not that into it.
in the subject: Fiona Apple, "The First Taste". Come back, Fiona. Come back to Cold Mountain...

He's faster than a bullet/stronger than a train/he's the one who got lucky/got his cape around Miss Lois Lane

I don't care WHAT the superman costume looks like... Brandon Routh is on the cover of the new EW and I think his amazing hotness is going to be too distracting for me. I'll probably have to see the movie 10 times or so before I'll be able to focus on anything like... oh, the plot. Keep in mind- this picture? This is a *bad* one okay? Not doing him justice:


Although apparently I have to see the first 2 Superman films as this one is meant to take place after them. Interesting. And Bosworth is watching Katharine Hepburn films to prepare for the part. Oh, Bosworth... good luck with that. Like I'll even be able to notice her there until the 11th viewing.

And he's from Iowa. Small-town Iowa boy. I'm starting to agree with Lily- send all the hot people to their own island, it's very depressing to have them around. It's sort of torture. La tortura, if you will. (Giving it up for The Shakira Proposal!)

aye. aye. ayyyye. (sorry that was my Shakira impression- really doesn't translate well when written, you must hear it to appreciate)

um. Weirdness. I have been in a major Nicole Kidman mood lately (i had a dream about her last week, the night she walked up to that paparazzi bastard and told him that he was very rude) so I've been having a little Kidman marathon. Smack dab in the middle of it (Peacemaker; Practical Magic; Eyes Wide Shut) and I sign on IMDB today to discover that... It's her birthday! She's 38 today! 38. Which means, that when she was my age she was making the very movies I'm watching today. She'd already done To Die For and Portrait of a Lady... and I'm working part time in retail. Go me!!

ah well. Brandon Routh pictures await. To be looked at. And coveted. *sigh*

subject line: Spin Doctors: "Jimmy Olsen's Blues" from Pocket Full of Kryptonite

something is the matter with your vagina!

Let's give it up to God for one of his most beautiful creations. I confess, I prefer this Ryan to the newly buffed version. Not that I'd kick him outta bed or anything. Not that this would ever be a decision I'd need to make...

high up above or down below/when you're too in love to let it go/but if you never try you'll never know/just what you're worth

From IMDB: Actress Christina Applegate still can't believe Ben Affleck deliberately displayed his genitals to her while shooting a movie scene. The 33-year-old was working with the eccentric heart-throb on Surviving Christmas last year, when she saw more of him than she expected. She says, "They were doing a shot of a briefcase and Ben put his stuff on the case. It was gross." And Applegate is not the first Hollywood star to witness his racy humor, director Kevin Smith had to endure Affleck's favorite prank - resting his scrotum on the back of the movie maker's neck during breaks on the set of movie flop Jersey Girl.

how sad to say that the first thing i thought whilst reading this was that Affleck can rest his scrotum on the back of my neck, or wherever, anytime...

luckily, i knew that Lily would be thinking the exact same thing. this is probably why we are such good friends.

when did Affleck become known as "the eccentric heart-throb"?

on the itunes/in the subject: Coldplay "fix you" from X&Y

Keep it secret! Keep it safe!

The following rant is something I wrote in an e-mail to Eddo, who saw the same interview with Christian Bale that I saw this morning. It turned into something frightening & thought I'd share it with everyone.

Okay so last night I saw THE MACHINIST before bed... then woke up to a healthy-looking Christian, but thought- wow, I went to sleep and he was still, to an extent, "my little secret". I woke up and he's being lusted after by the morning news anchors because from now on he's Batman... If Sarah Polley ends up playing Wonder Woman or something crazy like that my world will have gone completely upside down. It makes me think of when ALMOST FAMOUS came out, Lily & I were bemoaning the fact that now *everyone* would know about Billy Crudup. Why do we like to keep them to ourselves? I mean, with music- it's like... You go see someone and the crowd is cool, the show is great... awesome. Then they get more popular and there are frat boys and screaming/crying girls and it's just not the same.... and you're just like, *fuck* because... you're a snob... and by you i mean me because it just occured to me that this is the whole point- i'm basically a snob who doesn't wanna rub shoulders with the jackasses shouting Mich-E-Lob and the teenage girls who know every word to every song because they're calling up TRL and writing "Suzy Mayer" on all their notebooks because "he's so cute!!" at a John Mayer concert when I know he was playing Eddie's fucking Attic the year before and everyone was so much cooler and there was a very low retard factor and basically because I just wanna step on their feet, scrape the sparkle off their "I *heart* you Mraz" t-shirts and say "BITCH I SAW HIM FIRST!!!!"

i guess it's sorta like that with Christian Bale.

anyway.
Day 9: Punch-Drunk Love. I was nice to everybody, EVERYBODY. Except the guy who complained about the music. I reminded him that we aren't a library, but a store. I stopped short of telling him I wasn't a DJ when he requested something calmer- and then said, how about the Shakira? I'm like- how do you think that's calm music, jerky??

Got home & watched A DIRTY SHAME with Dave. It's okay. I gave it... a C. Maybe a B-. Selma Blair is good, Tracy Ullman HYSTERICAL. It's amusing and ridiculous. Pretty much a John Waters movie, yup.

in the discman: Indigo Girls RARITIES (including what I have decided is the worst Emily song EVER "walk your valley". And I'm typically an Emily person, but lyrically? Not up to her standard. And the recording isn't so great either, her vocal performance? i don't wanna get into it. However, I found myself really loving the Tom Morello remix of "Shed Your Skin" a LOT more than I did when it first came out. Plus, it has "I'll Give You My Skin" from the TAME YOURSELF cd & that's one of my top 10 IG songs ever- possibly up in the top 5, even.

in the bookbag: Still reading SUMMERLAND. It started off good... It's sorta His Dark Materials-lite. HDM with baseball? I don't know, I'm already looking forward to my next book so if I'm not wanting to savor it and wanting it never to end, I guess I'm not totally loving it.

in the dvd player: Vicar of Dibley while I'm still awake. On bat for tomorrow? FLOWER OF MY SECRET & CRIMINAL. woo-hoo! Off for two days! Gonna organize my cds, eat yummy Italian food & watch movies. Which isn't as sad as you think it is. :P

...who's gonna see BATMAN BEGINS with me?

if you were any thinner, you wouldn't exist

Apparently I needed to catch up on my sleep... because Dave knocks on my door half an hour ago & says "Dude? It's 3:00..." yikes.

Speaking of catching up on sleep, I watched THE MACHINIST last night. The first thing everyone talks about is how insanely underweight Christian is for the part. There's a reason. Even just seeing the photos in magazines or the dvd cover doesn't give you an idea about how frighteningly thin he got for this part. In fact, the first 20 minutes of the movie I really had trouble concentrating because it's pretty upsetting- I know it's retarded, but when you've been a big fan of someone for so long (12 years!?!) it's hard not to care about them, in a way. I was sorta angry that he'd do something this extreme for a movie- it seems like such a giant risk health-wise... argh. I guess at some point I just got drawn into the story and was able to really get into the film without being Christian Bale's Jewish Mom. Having said that, the movie is pretty good. I mean, if you've seen enough (too many?) films, you're going to guess where it's heading pretty early on, but it's so well-done and there are a lot of really great things to watch, repeating motifs- phrases, objects, actions... In the end I really liked it. And it's a good thing, because if the movie sucked I'd have to find Bale & be all "how could you do that to yourself for a crappy movie??" Like if he'd done all that for EQUILIBRIUM? Oh my god... Anyway, I woke up this morning at 10- My tv is set to come on then- usually I turn it off straight away. However, it was Today In South Florida & who were they interviewing? Christian Bale. I thought it was interesting that when I fell asleep I had just finished watching him in a little film- sort of the last time I get to see him as "our little secret" before today when with BATMAN BEGINS, he becomes a ginormous star... who woulda thunk it?

*SMACK* "Be still, Cody!"

Day 7. I became belligerent.

Day 8. Resignation. Exhaustion.

I have a new definition of tired. Tired is when you're riding in the car, on the way home from work and you listen to Enrique Iglesias sing "Hero" all the way through because you don't have the energy to change the radio station, or even insert the Indigo Girls cd you have in your bag on your lap.

I came home to find the BAM newsletter in the mailbox. Lily are you up for seeing some Gina Rowlands movies with me in October? It'll make Dave soooo jealous.

-rick
who is going to fucking watch THE MACHINIST tonight if he has to keep his eyes propped open with toothpicks dammit...

moths in your rugs they do it/what's the use of moth balls?

last night was Day 6 of 9. I've paced holes in the carpet. My eyes darting constantly to the door, to the great open expanse beyond. Well, the parking lot beyond. Oh to taste that fresh air! Ok honestly, the air there has a sort of greasy hamburger aroma to it due to the diner next door. Sometimes it smells a little yummier, if the wind is bringing the scent of Bahama Breeze instead... But inside my book-filled prison it smells like the feet of people who can't study at home or a FUCKING library. Truly, it smells... like ass. And the people? How can you stand and listen to 15 second clips of songs for TWO HOURS? OR MORE? Why ARE you studying in a store? GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT YOU RETARDS! BUY SOMETHING! BUY SOMETHING AND GO! I'M ABOUT TO THROW THIS BOOK AT YOU! YEAH, THIS GIANT FUCKING DICTIONARY!! GO!!!! LEAVE!!! fuckers.

in other news, how fabulous did Ally Sheedy look at the MTV Movie Awards? I only caught the little tribute to The Breakfast Club as it was probably the only part of the Awards that didn't make me wanna throw up. Lohan... eat. You were SO fucking HOT!! Katie Holmes? Also frighteningly, scarily thin. Can we drop some burgers to the Awards, stat??

hmmm what else can I bitch about today? Nah, that's enough.

Although if I could just mention the hotness of the guy in the Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper (which really, that's too busy, isn't it?)... It's almost like the Adorable Anthony of my work got it on with James Franco & this guy was the end result.

imagine that...

maybe i'm just damaged goods/maybe you're a babe in the woods/& me i'm just a little lost lamb/but you love me where ever i am

today:
slept late after playing with my #1 toy into the wee hours of the morning. (my ipod you dirty bastards)
ate pizza with mom & dave.
watched some VICAR OF DIBLEY (i *heart* Dawn French)
went to work.
now, there's this guy who comes in once in a while, an admirer. although the first time he was there he pulled this TOTALLY jr. high kind of "my roommate likes you" thing. the next time it was like, "you should come watch Queer as Folk with us sometime, do you play pool?" tonight he was looking for some cds & i was like, right let me show you. he says "show me, show me..." (he also touched my arm. i'm not so touchy feely with customers, ok?) then when i tell him he can try them out:
Him: "i can sample any of these?"
Me: "You can can sample anything you want"
Him: (suggestively) "Oh, I can, can I?"
Me: "Anything that scans" (scamper away)
the thing is that i'm not interested... honestly at this point in time, who knows if i'd be interested if he were Peter Krause's twin brother. i mean seriously, i'm starting to believe that i'm good alone... but, you know- he's a big guy (and hopefully we have all established that i am NOT as recently mistaken for, a "chaser top"). a bit with the dramatic streak... whatever, he's just not my type at all. but every time he comes in, i feel like such an asshole. because who the fuck am i to be turning anyone down? how many times have i thought -i'd have a chance with this person if it wasn't for my weight/cross-eyed freakness/girly voice/palm sweat/whatever else i can't change without some sort of nip/tuck episode. what a fucking hypocrite i am.
got home.
leftover pizza/entertainment weekly.
sleep now. and hope that i don't have The Dream again. Yes, The Dream, capitalized. It makes me think of Kim Basinger in THE FINAL ANALYSIS with Richard Gere. that fucking dream. I dreamt that this guy at my work (Adorable Anthony- he's the café manager. Better looking than any human being has the right to be. A law student, i *think*. Always polite. Dimples- a really lovely smile. A seemingly nice guy, but our interaction has been minimal. Straight. I'm pretty sure, I mean.) Anyway, Anthony was asking me if I had any pets- like he was trying to explain something to me, something that only a pet owner could understand. But then when I told him I didn't he was very disappointed. I told him I used to have a rabbit and he thought this was hysterical, because I was very much like a rabbit. It was one of those dreams you instantly forget, but start to recall when you see the person who was co-starring with you. He seemed kind of down tonight, the dimples went away. I don't know him, really, so couldn't ask if he was alright, but I felt very much like, awww... Anthony's blue. Perhaps it's because he loves me from afar, but can't think of the right way to tell me. Most likely not.

(miss lily. wanted to call tonight, but feel like i am smothering.)

subject line: "The Alternative to Love" by Brendan Benson from
ipod: Heather Nova "when somebody turns you on"-Blossom Dearie "it amazes me"-Indigo Girls "joking"-Ute Lemper "but one day..."

don't don't don't let's start/i've got a weak heart/and i don't get around/how you get around

Thoughts after re-arranging the ipod and reading Q cover to cover, ever so faithfully.

1. In the review of the Bravery show that sparked my satanic lust, one of the attendees mentions that his friend used to date Sam Endicott & that "he's hung like brooklyn bridge". Which scares me. I continue to lust, though.

2. They gave an excellent review to my beloved BIRTH & even mentioned Kubrick in the review so I felt a bit like, SEE? I wasn't wrong. And did any of you even watch it yet? No. thought not. :P

3. I love Q magazine, which is why it's so sad that they've lost a little bit of credibility with me by referring to Eminem as "voice of a generation". i think i threw up in my mouth a little.

4. There's a sidebar- the Rider of the Month- where they publish the list of items artists request backstage at their shows. This month? Rufus. Bottled water (NOT Evian!) and chocolate bars and Marbolo Reds were the highlights (what, cigarettes, but no chocolate milk?)

'night.

i'm your only friend i'm not your only friend but i'm a little glowing friend but really i'm not actually your friend but i am

yup. friday night. was planning on watching THE MACHINIST with Dave, but we have been invaded by F.O.D.s. Sorry, Friends of Dave, not Dorothy. So, reading the new music mags Q/Paste- the only ones that matter, really. Listening to They Might Be Giants and Joni Mitchell. Yes, who knew that they would be such a magical combination?? (honestly I think the TMBG is playing to sugarcoat the fact that i'm home on a Friday night listening to Joni Mitchell in my pajamas. In Brooklyn maybe I'll have cats and just completely give in to the role.)

I'm gonna be uncharacteristically sexual here, so cover yr eyes. (Also, Matty stop laughing about me saying "uncharacteristically sexual") I really want the singer from the Bravery. I mean want in a very primal physical sense... he's too hot. uncontrollably hot. i just- i can't... i don't have the words. he awakens feelings in me that are, frankly, covered with dust. his arms? just. yeah, nevermind

discovered the awesomeness of thinkgeek.com, which I'll be stalking until they start selling the "Joss Whedon is my master now" t-shirts. Although I love the "i'm blogging this" tee as well.

re-thinking my ipod strategy. originally i planned NOT to put my very favorites on it, because... c'mon I'm always going to have my kylie/aimee/indigo girls cds handy, right? i need to put my kickass Left of the Dial box on there. not to mention creating a joni/they might be giants playlist... X&Y and um. Bravery...

hmmm feels like there were other things to mention, but i can't remember. Lily- you're missing Def Leppard at the Hard Rock, I hope D.C. is worth that, man... the drummer? One arm. Fuckin' right. Give it up for one armed drummers. hell, give it up for Matisyahu, the Hassidic Jew Reggae star. He looks like a very young Mandy Patinkin.

ok my mind just keeps wandering back to the best part of the Bravery video where you see his stomach... i shall cease writing these thoughts immediately.

...because i have to stop typing and insert the cd and watch the video. again.

this is an alarm call/so wake up wake up wake up

wow. i really really need someone to save me. i need an intervention.

sports kids moms and dads (blow out before that!). they can't afford the horse. her mom has to sell Disco!! i might cry.

see, if i had gotten my SERENITY tickets, i could escape the pull of Bravo that night because I'd be basking in the Joss Whedon glow. but noooooooooo...

between that and disco? i need ice cream. stat.

in my head/your voice/you've got all that i need/& this make believe will get me through another lonely night

Listened to a bit of the Coldplay today... The song that they played on SNL which I wasn't crazy about? It's actually my favorite on the album so far- It's called FIX YOU. "i will try to fix you..." Where the fuck do they keep those sort of guys?? No one wants to try & fix me... I'm like that Ani D song "no one wants to touch it, no one knows where to begin."

anyway. Tired. closed last night & opened this morning. Next day off is NEXT Thursday. Maybe I'll get my second wind & watch the third disc of CRACKER (courtesy of Netflix!)

Tomorrow night- my house: THE MACHINIST! ... ok and the people reading this are in California, D.C., Atlanta & Massachusetts, so... So you have time to hop flights!! err. yeah, i got nothing else to say today, i'm zonked.

heh. zonked.

discman: Coldplay/X&Y
bookbag: SUMMERLAND (so far, so good)
dvd: Cracker (Robbie Coltrane kicks so much ass. I'm kind of addicted. Even though- I put the John Waters movie ahead of the other discs, cuz... Well, Selma & her gigantic boobs have had a place on my refrigerator for so long, I just HAVE to see the movie!)
subject: "In My Head" by Anna Nalick from WRECK OF THE DAY (which i sort of love more than i thought i ever would)

PS: Apparently they CAN take the sky from me! I found out about another screening of SERENITY in Aventura on June 23rd- and it's already sold fucking OUT!! although, my movie buddy is in D.C. so I'd be partnerless, but STILL! I. Want. To. Go. grrr.

So here's to you, Mrs. Robinson/Jesus loves you more than you will know

Anne Bancroft. What a firecracker. What a FANTASTIC comedienne. I was pretty surprised when Lily told me that she had passed away today.

My favorite Bancroft moment, not THE GRADUATE. Actually it would be HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS... one of my all-time favorite movies. She cracks me up every time.

Favorite Anne movies, ya'll?

pour me a drink/cuz i need a lie/i don't wanna think/i just wanna die

Pretty awful day for some reason. I was bummed, blue, mean reds, etc. Read some of SUMMERLAND by Michael Chabon- "Errors... well, they are a part of life, Ethan... Fouls & penalties, generally speaking, are not. That's why baseball is more like life than other games. Sometimes I feel like that's all I do in life, keep track of my errors." There are tear-stained pages on my Chabon book! OVER A BASEBALL ANALOGY!!!!

I went back from my break even more depressed. But here's the thing. You must all stop what you're doing right now and go to this site: http://www.vervemusicgroup.com/product.aspx?pid=11276&ob=bf&src=lb
because tonight, Paul Anka saved my life.
I was stickering the new releases & saw this album, Paul Anka: Rock Swings. I saw the songs listed and went... "errr?"
Wonderwall. Black Hole Sun. Smells Like Teen Spirit. True. all done by Paul Anka. Van Halen's JUMP. Oh. My God. It was an in-store play. I found it and put it in the player, knowing that it would be The Most Awesomely Bad Thing Ever. And dudes? It's the AWESOMEST. I walked around with a giant smile all night as Paul swang to "Everybody Hurts" and "Eyes Without a Face" because it was the most kick ass absurd thing I could imagine. My high lives on right now. I even called Lily & put her on hold so she could hear "The Eye of the Tiger". Yes, kids... Paul Anka rocked my world.

and dude do i need it because i found out today that tonight was the first of a 9 day stretch. Fuck. Me.

-reek
in the discman: Ute Lemper's Blood & Feathers. (It was that or the new Coldplay. I flipped a coin. Next January/February SOMEONE is getting their ass dragged to the Café Carlyle to see her show with me. I'm not sure who that someone is, but I only have like 5 friends, & only 2 of you are going to be living with me in NYC, so BEWARE!! However, it is in the lounge of the Carlyle Hotel, so it'll probably be very similar in atmosphere to the Nellie show! Plus, it's worth it just to hear her pronounce Kurt Weill & Bertolt Brecht's names.)
in the bookbag: SUMMERLAND, I know I mentioned it already, but I want to reiterate that I AM READING A BOOK ABOUT BASEBALL!
in the subject: Nellie McKay's "David" (as opposed to the well-liked "Baby, Wash Your Ass")

yeah they talk about her/she smiles like she's so tough/says "hey can you talk a little louder?/i don't think my heart is broken enough"

just a note- if anyone's tried IMing me on AOL and I didn't respond, I'm not being an asshole. Well, okay I *AM* an asshole. But it's just that for some reason I can't reply to AOL IMs... unless I'm using ICHAT. Which I prefer anyway what with my adorable picture of Björk wearing her "Enjoy Cock" t-shirt. Only I've been having some connection issues with that, so... So, if I don't reply to you, I don't love you any less, I just can't! But you can also try my yahoo! name- mousetolliver.
not that there's a zillion people dying to chat with me. but you know. the five of you. i need to expand my audience. a ratings stunt. what can i do? jumping the shark so early in my blogging career... so sad.

in the dvd player: ANGELS IN AMERICA (because i had to make up for watching SKULLS by watching something really outstanding and worthwhile)

p.s. from IMDB:In This Corner, Crowe; In That Corner, Clooney, Ford, De Niro

Russell Crowe, who was arrested Monday after reportedly throwing a telephone at a New York hotel porter, has stepped up a verbal fight against actors who appear in TV commercials, including George Clooney, Harrison Ford and Robert De Niro. Crowe, currently appearing as the boxer James Braddock in the biopic Cinderella Man, threw the first verbal punch when he accused the actors of breaking the "social contract" they had with their audiences. Clooney then countered by remarking that Crowe was using his celebrity to boost his rock band. Now, in the London daily Sun, Crowe responded, "An endorsement is about money. My music is from the heart."

is it wrong of me to hope this ends up in a fight? because i'd love to watch Clooney kick Russell's ridiculous ass. i think... i think i'm anti-Crowe. yes. i think it's finally happened. He's good, I'm not denying his talent. But he needs a good ass-whumping. I don't think Clooney's the guy to do it, sadly, but I'd pay to see it happen.

-rick,
a hater, what can i say?

who can turn the world on with her smile?/who can take a nothing day & suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Yaay! Lily has started her very own blog here on the glamourous blogspot. Go to http://lilyblowstheboss.blogspot.com for a good time. (or just click on the subject line you lazy bastards)

Forgot to mention an early highlight of Thursday night- getting to hear lily's brother play!! Very kick-ass. A sort of Doves sound, I thought? But I tend to keep these things to myself because i'm sure she's reading this thinking- um. noooo... Anyway, it was really wonderful and i was sort of stressing the night to come, so it really blissed me out some. yaay JM+Pedro!

The Tony Awards? Not so much. I was glad that Cherry Jones won & of course, Norbert (who will always be Jamie to me). The musical bits were all pretty lame except for Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (again, Norbert) and the Spelling Bee bit, which was more comedy than musical. I think the Aretha/Hugh Jackman duet was a bit... painful? I was, however, incredibly touched by Edward Albee's acceptance (or the bit that they showed). Amazing that he was with his partner for 35 years. Between that & finding out that Ismael Merchant & James Ivory were life partners for 44 years, I'm sort of in awe. I can't even get anyone to notice me, much less start a relationship, so 35, 44 years seems like the most unattainable, unbelievable thing. Granted, right now I'm in a place where the last thing I want is a man in my life, but when I'm ready to try again... will that sorta guy even exist?

in the dvd player: still with the FIREFLY
in the discman: THERE'S A LITTLE BARRY GIBB IN ALL OF US (playing "bonito" by jarabe de palo!)
in the bookbag: SUMMERLAND: Michael Chabon

i wanna get married/yes i need a spouse/i wanna nice leave it to beaverish/golden retriever/& a little white house

Reading the EW obituary for Ismael Merchant, I was surprised to see that he and James Ivory were not just business partners, but life partners. For 44 years. I can't even imagine finding someone to share a few months with, much less 44 years!

In other news, I got a call from Lily at work tonight. Soon after she'd landed, telling me that her new boss is mentioned in the Sarah Vowell book I loaned her, RADIO ON. Very odd coincidence, but cool, too. And it made my night to hear from her.

and it's 2:15 in the morning, but I've been up perusing Entertainment Weekly & listening to Nellie McKay and eating Wendy's french fries.

'night...

me i'm still on the road/heading for another joint/we always did feel the same/we just saw it from a different point of view/tangled up in blue

btw- The Jennifer Aniston/Mark Ruffalo movie Nellie McKay mentioned at the show the other night is called RUMOR HAS IT (click the subject line for the IMDB page). It's the film that's based on the idea that this woman (Aniston) finds out that her parents were the basis for the film THE GRADUATE... Directed by Rob Reiner. I think it has the Costner in it, so you know Lily will be there opening day. This makes sense as the song she channeled Dylan's ghost for went something like "rumor has it wrong..." or somethin'.

and now i have to prepare for the bookstore. but yaay 2 days off after this & tomorrow is the gay man's Superbowl (no, wait, that's the Oscars... Would the Tony Awards be like, the gay man's World Series? or... World Cup? World Cup=Soccer=David Beckham. David Beckham. mmmmm...)

one day we'll all be old & i'll be so damn beautiful/meanwhile i'll hide my head here in this paper bag/cuz if i can't see you then you can't see me

Girly Girl browsing the dvds to her Boyfriend:
"Audrey Hepburn was so beautiful. Babe, don't you think she was pretty? Do you think she's pretty?"

That WOULD have been the highlight of my night last night if I hadn't had to drag a footstool to look over the wall separating my department from the computer books to ask a group of kids to use their "inside voices", or at least less with the screaming. I've become that cranky old guy! Fuck me....

my lily is off to D.C. today!! which means I probably won't be leaving the house for anything but work in the next 2.5 months. Because, let's face it kids, I don't have any other friends!! heh. Seriously, I can't believe how much I will miss her & remember that first night we closed together, when she was the new chick who out of nowhere said "i've read your writing!" and I was like, "Really? Cool!" When honestly? I was slightly wigged. Who could have imagined what would occur in the meantime? Who would have thought we'd be heading out on an adventure like living in NYC together? Not I. *sigh* I am your #1 fan, Percy. Have a safe trip.

-rick
in the 3 disc changer: Anna Nalick: WRECK OF THE DAY (which I really, really did not want to like, dammit...)/Oasis: The Lily mix (which I have named MIDNIGHT AT LIAM & NOEL'S)/Nellie McKay: GET AWAY FROM ME (savor the memory!!)

in the bookbag: I'm starting something new today, just not sure which one. Either Dave Eggars: YOU SHALL KNOW OUR VELOCITY! or Michael Chabon: SUMMERLAND.

so good-bye dear, and amen/here's hoping we meet now & then/it was great fun/but it was just one of those things

Nellie McYaay! Saw her last night at the lovely National Hotel in Miami Beach. Let's face it, kids- I have a crush. nothing to worry about, a little opposite-sex crush never hurt anyone, really. She's so fucking adorable. I love her self deprecating sense of humor and humility- she's so endearing! She played so many great songs- "The Dog Song" and "David" and "Sari" and "Change the World" and Cole Porter's "Just One of Those Things". OH, how could I forget "Baby Watch Your Back" (or as the ginormous-breasted-drunken-strawberry pattern wearing-amazon woman sang "Baby Wash Your Ass!". I think SHE was a "class act"). Nellie told a great story about Yoko Ono, sang a song she wrote for a movie with Jennifer Aniston & Mark Ruffalo (which didn't end up in the movie, she said, despite the fact that it was fucking beautiful), and she even channeled Bob Dylan for a duet from beyond the grav- what? oh yeah, nevermind that last bit. (Wondering what Lily just did when she read that.) Anyway, it was a great place for her to play- in this nice little lounge with candles and possibly urine-soaked peanuts on the table. I don't know if I can imagine seeing her play any other venue after that intimate setting. I'm glad I went. It was also good to hang out with Edwin and meet his sweet & funny Celso. Not to mention Gabby, who almost fell to her death several times en route to the National Hotel. And Lily who I won't be seeing now for 2 and a half months (except, apparently, in dreams where I walk in on her having sex with unknown persons. Was it Nellie McKay? Should I be jealous??). So thanks for inviting me, guys.

"PLAY SARI!!"

don't give up/you're not beaten yet/don't give up/i know you can make it good

Today, ladies and gentlemen- is the day the (folk) music died. I spent today scanning out cds that we're not carrying anymore- and our once mighty Folk Music section is a mere shadow of itself. That I was the one to kill it, so sad. I was the only one who showed Folk love... A moment of silence, if you will.

Today's Guilty Pleasures:

Michael Bublé in that Starbucks commercial. I don't care what they say, he's cute, he's Canadian... I'd take him.

I know, I know... I swore I wouldn't do it, but where the fuck were you people to keep me away from Bravo tonight? Yes, it's true.. I was watching Sports Kids Moms & Dads. and then gave my mom a hug for being so very... sane.

otherwise feeling a lot better than i have been this week. thanks to Lily. and thank you...

rick
"sweetie, if you cry? you're makeups going to run."