See me now/holy cow!/could someone/pinch me please...

So Saturday was pretty awesome. I rode the train into the city with J. after picking up some crucial party favors for Sunday, which was X's birthday. Which we only ended up doing because I'm a Metrocard 'tard and couldn't use my card at the station again for another 19 minutes!! Anyway, I made my first visit to the LGBT Center in the city- which is pretty cool. Yesterday there was a library book sale there, which I browsed (but did not buy)! I walked a little around the Center, forgetting that there's the "National Archives of LGBT History" somewhere inside! Guess I'll have to go back Monday before work. I really want to jump into it and get involved, but I know that my priority has to be work, especially since I wasn't able to get a fulltime position and will probably have to get another p/t job to be able to you know... eat. One thing I forgot to factor in this whole thing, kids... the Food Factor. Especially troublesome for me as I really can't cook much. Even if I did, I'd have to buy things to cook. I mean, ideally I could live on Eggo Waffles, Peanut Butter Sandwiches & Steak-umms every day, but that would make me want to kill myself. I need money for Cozy's burgers, Korner pizza, and the latest discovery, The Hollywood Diner (2 blocks from the job and open 24/7- with breakfast served all day? Hell yes.)  Wait- the point was that I really want to volunteer at the center- there are a couple of positions I could totally try... but I *know* that I have to establish myself at work before I can make any other commitments. Which won't keep me from visiting the center weekly... or dragging everyone I know to Bingo night when it recommences in October.
After the Center, I had originally planned to visit the Oscar Wilde Bookstore, but that will be an adventure for another day, as there was a free walking tour of Union Square at 2. I got to the park & sat around for a bit, watching some elderly people protesting the war around the statue of Lincoln. Then I met Michael, our "opinionated" tourguide (his rant against B&N was a favorite bit of the tour... I sat there thinking "please don't ask me what i do for a living...") and Riyuchi, who was also taking the tour. We were joined (albeit briefly) by a couple who seemed vaguely German. Michael was a hoot & I'll definitely keep an eye out for him around U.S. on the weekends.
Once the tour ended, I stopped by my new store to meet my manager & give him some information. Got a fun store tour, as well as having my picture taken by the security guy. I'm really... scared. It seemed really easy, transferring to another store- but it's really like starting a whole new job- not just because it's been so long since I worked on the bookfloor- but because there's a whole different system here, all these new ways to learn & I wonder if I'll ever get the hang of it. I know that I will, actually- I adapt well... but I feel like I'm walking in the dark right now and it's really intimidating.
After my impromptu tour (during which I found out that my favorite writer in the world, Neil Gaiman, will be at the store on September 20th!), I hauled ass to the Village to visit Tompkins Park, where the Village's HOWL events were being held. Yes, I went to Wigstock. I saw the Lady Bunny. But not much else- I was amazed at how crowded the park was- and the sort of people in it... not just us gays, not just the sorta East Village types either- elderly people were there, families- dads with their kids sitting on their shoulders to see drag queens do Whitney Houston bits. It was really great. AND the best thing about the day were the amounts of gay couples that I saw that looked like a couple I could actually belong to- the queer geeks are here! In Miami & even Atlanta, I'd see couples that look like they met at an Undergear photo shoot. Or ultra-flaming queens, tattooed punkish couples, etc... But there were couples here in clever t-shirts & shorts, with dorky glasses. So yes, there is actually hope for a gay dork like me. Even in my Clerks tee, I felt like I belonged.
So I stayed at Wigstock for about an hour, maybe, and then hauled ass to this really cool store called Dinosaur Hill (which I probably already mentioned) to get finger puppets of Shroedinger's Cat & Shakespeare for X's birthday (complemented by a Spongebob Squarepants cereal bowl- Have I mentioned the theme of our bathroom is Spongebob?). Had a minor subway mishap on the way home (Uptown, Downtown, whatever...) and then watched The Happiness of the Katakuris with X+J. Which is an amazingly awesome movie, btw, I can't say I've ever seen anything quite like it.
  Slept late-ish today and then helped J blow up balloons & decorate the flat for X's birthday. There were pancakes (some shaped like Mickey Mouse, some abstract pieces that were open for interpretation), crossword puzzles (here's the thing, we do crossword puzzles like *everyday* and it's awesome), cake from Cold Stone's (chocolate chip mint, with oreos- GINORMOUS slice & delicious), presents & a lot of playing with balloons (some have their own party hats with faces drawn on them, some are stuck to the air conditioner). All in all, a really good day.

Things I need to work on:
1. Job sitch. Fulltime. Better paying. Something to avoid having to work 2 jobs. Something with a concrete schedule that will allow me to make other commitments, like volunteering at the Center, maybe even joining ACT UP. I never felt any sort of community before- this is something I've been lacking. I have to pay attention and get involved.
2. Don't Be Shy. To quote Cat Stevens. I tended to shy away from people at work before. There were a few that I got incredibly close to and hung out with. These are the people I'm now living with, actually. But I never hung out with a lot of people- probably because of my dependence on others for transportation. I'm independent now, this is a crucial thing- have a drink, have apps. Go, go go.
3. Boyfriend wanted. Gay dorks can score in this town. Try to get James Earl Jones with the voice and find me a may-un!
4. Submit X for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. We need furniture. He's the only candidate in the flat. It's a sacrifice he'll have to make. Plus, with Kyan or Thom nearby, I may be able to cross off item #3 from the list.

rick
subject line: "I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here" from ANNIE
reading: The Gay Metropolis (I'm in the 70s chapter!)
in the dvd player: The Simpsons: Season Six, Disc Two

so much to say so much to say

NYC. TOO MANY OPTIONS.
it's really overwhelming. there are so many things to do... but what to do on any given day? how to decide??
so far I've seen Grand Central Station, Astor Place/St. Mark's/East Village.
amazing burger at Cozy's.
cool toy store called Dinosaur Hill with finger puppets of Pavlov's Dog, Buddha, Dorothy Parker, Einstein... and a Frida Kahlo doll. and funny action figures like The Crazy Cat Lady & Nina The Librarian and Sigmund Freud.
subway rides & bits of conversation in languages I've never heard- some bits of conversation that I understand and want to hear more of- i'm a voyeuristic bastard.
walking down long avenues and it's so crowded & noisy- but then you turn a corner and there's a whole street to yourself, and the wind is blowing and it's actually peaceful and quiet and you think- how the fuck did THAT happen?
i was walking one day & saw that the buildings were disappearing. "This must be the way to Central Park" I thought, then found myself all the way on 1st ave. with nothing to see.
coming home and looking at the map to realize that there was a park between me and the Flatiron building. or that if I'd taken a right instead of a left, I'd have seen the UN building.
it's all incoherant because there's soooo much to take in right now. thought i saw Matt McGrath twice. and the guys?? oh my god- all the cute scruffy funny t-shirt wearing guys that we like the best? they're all here!! tattoos peeking out under their sleeves, sandals and shorts with their backpacks & ipods on the trains...
there was a train out of order the other day, blocking our path home on the F train. we had to get out at Borough Hall & catch a bus- the three of us walked ahead to the next bus stop & when we got on it was pretty empty- it filled to overflowing when it stopped back at the station and it was pretty funny- We passed by Greenwood Cemetary, though. that was cool.
i start work on Monday, which is also cool. sorta :) More later.
-rick

from here to there and everywhere & back to Union Square when do i get some sleep?

Writing a draft of this blog on Saturday the 20th at 11:00 PM in possibly the world's most gag-reflex-inducing EconoLodge. You get whatcha pay for but I don't fucking care. Needed to get out of car. Don't know if earlier blog went through or not, as I sent it as a message from my cellphone.

Got a call from the woman I spoke to at the NY/BN the other day- asking me to come in and talk to her about a job. Yaay! Originally when we spoke, she asked me to stop by Sunday night, which was when I was planning on getting there, so this is better- I won't have just been in a car for two days straight & I'll be able to really shower before I go, which I find always makes a much better impression on people.

This morning was really hard... It's insane, but it hasn't been until the last couple of days that it's starting to hit me that I'm leaving my mom & brother behind. This SUCKS so much & I wish there was some way it was possible for them to move up too. Or even to like, Jersey or something. Albany, I don't know. Saying goodbye was really not fun & I tried to not be sad, because I didn't want them to be sad... but driving away I was looking out the window and wondering WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?? I'm leaving my best friends behind. I'm going SO far away from them with no idea when the next time we'll all be together is. It made me start to think again about why I'm doing this. And I understood that what I'm doing is what I need to be doing. I need to take some steps towards independence & adulthood. I'm thirty fucking one. It's time to act my age. And as much as I want all of this so much, there's that flipside where I'm like- WHY?? But it's all good. We drove for like 14 hours today- so we've got a 6 hour trip tomorrow which lands us up there around noonish. Which is good, we can dump the U-Haul before they close at five. And after that...
  who knows? I'm definitely starting a diet this week.
-reading (trying to) MIRROR MIRROR by Gregory Maguire before bed.

Sunday- 11:39 PM
got to Brooklyn this afternoon around 1:00 or so. our place is really cute, definitely needs some work but nothing ginormous or anything. i'm pretty happy. Brooklyn seems so cool thus far. Anyway, my dad & i dropped the trailer off at U-Haul, I came back here & had pizza with X+J- Delicious. Then spent the rest of the night organizing the appalling amount of stuff that I brought with me (I'm camping out in one of the rooms until we know whether or not Lily will be here, so no real unpacking yet) and watching them play "Gabriel Knight". Surprisingly beat now. Tomorrow I'm going to try out the F train & scope out Union Square to get ready for my interview thing on Tuesday. Did finally have the sad realization today that I really don't know what I'll be eating besides peanut butter sandwiches & take out as there is absolutely nothing that I can cook... it'll be good for the whole weight loss situation, though, so we'll just think of it as a crazy new diet. then i'll write a book and make gazillions of dollars and have signings at the very Barnes & Noble I used to work at!!
the ceiling in this room are really high and the walls, very yellow. Very Rosemary's Baby kind of yellow. and did i mention that there's a print of Picasso's Guernica in this room? Well there is. I'm going to have some interesting dreams tonight- or will wake up with a good scare.

i see friends shaking hands, saying "how do you do?"/they're really saying "i love you"/and i say to myself/what a wonderful world

Yesterday was my LAST day at BN2792. ROCK!! It was so...

BORING!! Plus, you know... I thought SEVEN fucking years would score me a cake, maybe a balloon or something. I got nothing. Except for a $20 gift card from the manager that I thought hated me & would be glad to see me go. (Scored The Simpsons Season 6 with it!) All in all, though? The day was kind of underwhelming.

Much better was dinner with Lily & E+C. Yummy chicken and OH MY GOD the fries? Can I tell you about the fries? I thought my dreams would be haunted by Sam the World's Ugliest Dog, but no... they were all about the fries. And when I woke up, my Superfriends sheets were wet. It was like I was in jr. high all over again.
Anyway, such a great dinner, so much fun. I can't wait for everyone to be up in NY so that this will be our life... Plus, Strangers with Candy- which was hysterical & must go on the Netflix Q. Yet, not as hysterical as Lily Blows the Boss. Which nothing can possibly top.

I'm not a cutter,
Rick
ought to be packing.
itunes: Joey Ramone "What a Wonderful World"

ah la la la la la la life is wonderful/ah la la la la la la life goes full circle

so, i'm back on myspace, simply because everyone i wanted to keep in touch with in Miami is on Myspace.
http://www.myspace.com/captbackfire
I hate you all. My true space? tribe.net. (click the title!!) it's just way less retarded. Plus, did I mention really cute guys sending you random messages? but alas, i could not convert my friends, so i am forced to double dip. Oh well, at least I'll be able to hear the new Franz Ferdinand single.
...when I get to the flat and get to play with the holy grail of DSL.

penultimate day at work today. had to say goodbye to Dede & George, two who have been there since I started... and Fabulous Kameece, who first inspired me to ask the question: WWSJPD? Not to mention Frankie, but he's always with me as he's the only person who I always see online. I will miss his filthy, dirty mind, his truly wicked laugh, and the way he let me molest his muscled arms. I will think of him everytime I take home the F train... the train near my house.... the train that he called... wait for it- The Rape Train. Ah yes, I will think of him often.

tomorrow is it. i'm FREAKED OUT/PSYCHED/TIRED. work, more goodbyes (although I suck at goodbyes & keep saying "see ya later" when we all know it ain't true). Then dinner with Lily, Crazyhead E+C. (Will the "Crazyhead" name work offline? I dunno. Maybe I should give it up.) This year has been a fucking ride- who would have thought I'd be celebrating leaving for NYC at all? Much less that I'd be leaving *before* Lily who talked me into the fucking thing?? Or that we'd be celebrating this with E+C? I'm so relieved that my... oh, there's only one word for it and it's supergay: Drama- is water under the bridge, that seeing the two of them together just once made me go "oh. of course!" because it seemed like they're so good together. (Not to mention the relief I felt when I finally thought, "ok C's not going to kick my ass, or anything." because, seriously? i was worried.) I never would have thought that our friendship would have been repaired, or that there would be the potential for a new friendship I never even expected. There's so much more that I can't believe... I never saw the light at the end of the tunnel around late winter/early spring. I never would have imagined what or who was at the end of it or that we'd all arrive here unscathed (well, little bruises- they heal faster than I expected, though) and intact. I can't wait to get up to NY & see X+J. And then for Lily to hit NY. And then E+C. And Gill... I can't believe how lucky we all are to be starting this giant adventure at the same time, because even though we're going up separately, we'll still end up together, creating our very own support system... dare I say- our very own family. Does that make any fucking sense? I'm tired. I'm incoherant. I wish I had a recording of the answering machine message I left for one of my favorite customers today. I told her that tomorrow was my last day & that it was a pleasure helping her & talking to her these past few years. Then, "I hope you have a wonderful-" LIFE! I was going to say LIFE! I went, "um, Year!!" But at the moment? Yeah, I'm feeling pretty sure that I'm on the road to a wonderful life. I can't wait for all of our roads to converge again.

-rick
ipod: U2/In the Name of Love (which could explain getting all teary eyed and sentimental and contemplative)
title quote: Jason Mraz "Life is Wonderful" from Mr. A-Z (yeah, I used it before. I'm recycling now. Nothing is original, etc etc.)
hours left until BN2792 is a thing of the past: 17!!!

boxing's been good to me, howard

Spent yesterday packing up my stuff. It's amazing how it all fits so well on my bookcase & shelves, but when you see it all boxed up, it looks like there will be no room to put any of it anywhere. My room is a strange half-empty place now, no Björk poster on the wall, no books or movies on the shelves, and yes... since i'm bringing my favorite sheets with me, there are Superfriends sheets on my bed. Fortunately (I guess) no one will be seeing my bed till I leave, so my shame shall be unknown. Except that I just outed myself to the world at large on my blog. (The world at large, apparently meaning the 4 people who actually visit this) It's starting to really hit me, I think, that on Saturday, in the wee hours of the morning I'll be saying goodbye to my mom & brother. This is so not cool. I wish I could convince them to come on up, too, because I'm leaving my two best friends behind. *sigh* So, this week is full of Last Suppers, which is going to be sad.

Not sad? Tonight. My last closing at the store. This weekend I closed Saturday & Sunday- we got out at 1:15/1:21, so both nights were sort of hell. One of the managers who closed told me I should call from my new store to say "It's 11:30 and we're leaving already!" I told him that my new store is only open until 10:00. He cursed and spat at me. BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

rick
listening to Natasha Bedingfield. god help me.

from here to there & everywhere & back to Union Square

Hopeful news! I went into work yesterday to find a message from my manager about my transfer. I've got to make a call (after 2:30 today) so everybody cross your fingers, light a candle, sacrifice a virgin, whatever it is you do- let's all focus & become one point of light- Union Square, Union Square.

And after checking out the website today it is more obvious to me than ever that U.S. is where I need to be. Why, you may ask? Because of September 12. Yup. September 12. That's when Candace Bushnell will be appearing at the store. Candace Bushnell, author. Writer of... Sex & The City. It's Serendipitous!! You know, like that movie with John Cusack & Kate Beckinsale that Crazyhedwin hates- or the restaurant that my mom's friend went to in NYC that had amazing desserts. See how it all comes back to NYC? Funny, no? poor Eddo, his new nickname is apparently going to stick. Apparently, he's become my favorite person to pick on- first I try to talk him into letting me pimp him out to make extra money for my move (completely IGNORED btw, but fortunately my dad came through. ...which is not to say that I'm pimping my dad out to make extra money for the move, let it be understood.) then i send him months old news items to try & convince him to grab his loved ones and make the move from myspace to the oh so cool & trendy, cute boy filled, tribe.net. Not to mention the night I was having a lovely geekfest with Celso RE: Buffy when they were trying to go to sleep. Although he did say that I was like Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail, so he deserves a little payback, yeah?

Tomorrow I'm off! And I'm going to be boxing up my shit. I still don't know if I'll be able to take all the books that I want. I think I'll just box up the Must Haves and if anything, the rest can come up eventually. No. No, I should just worry about the Must Haves and not the other stuff. Although every time I look at the stack, it's like- Wait, I *have* to bring up my Hellboy books! Must not leave behind the Kurosawa biography! So by the time I leave on Saturday, the Other books will all have wormed their way into the Must Haves.

In other news- tiny bit of cute boy interaction occured this weekend. Vague & random cute boy interaction. Honestly, I think he has me mistaken for Billy Crudup. Only time will tell. Perhaps I am coming out of my Garboesque "i vant to be alone" period? I must! I mean, I'm going to NYC where, according to Lily, "Ass is falling out of the sky!" Ok I'm blushing, so now's the time to say goodbye. My last Sunday night at the Kendall B&N. Hallelujah.

-rick
going to watch Mary Tyler Moore till it's time to make The Big Call.
...and going to stop thinking of it as The Big Call.

what do i care how much it may storm? i've got my love to keep me warm.

Had lunch with our lovely friend Miss Lynda & her sister Alma. Lynda bombarded me with going away gifts (which I hope becomes a new trend since you all know how much i LOVE getting presents) including a scarf & beenie she made for me. At first I wasn't sure I could get away with the beenie, until Dave pointed out that it was very Tim.
Which is a SPACED reference for those of you who aren't lucky enough to already know. So that sold me on the hat. Actually, Chris saying that he got a very SPACED vibe from the apartment is what convinced me to write the check... so I guess we all know what the magic words for Rick are- "it's like on SPACED..."

Come on, winter- I got you covered. Even found a black trenchcoat from my High School Thrift Store/PreTrench Coat Mafia Stigma days that fits really well (one pocket is no good) & some warm stuff I have for no apparent reason that will be so helpful in a few months. I also had to face the facts that I have far too many Hole t-shirts than I ought to. And yet I only set one aside for the goodwill bag. I figure in a couple more years Hole t-shirts will just be part of a '90s retro phase & i'm ahead of the crowd.
-rick
listening to: Jarabe de Palo (still)

GRRR. ARGH!

I believe that my feelings today can best be described not through words, but through a visual medium consisting of a self portrait.


Nine days. Nine days until I motor up to NY. Where... who knows, maybe I'll have a job waiting for me and maybe not. It's all very casual, apparently, not a big priority for anyone but... oh, ME. Screw it. WE WILL MOTOR REGARDLESS!!

...unless ol' Tropical Storm Irene decides to, you know... STRIKE IN THE EXACT ROUTE WE ARE TAKING! If I were a superstitious kinda guy, I'd be taking all of these little barricades as signs. But no, I choose to think of them as hurdles. Yes, hurdles! And I? I am an olympic hurdler this month. Like... Um. er. FloJo? I don't know any Olympic hurdlers. They need better PR. I shoulda used a biking analogy, then I could've cashed in on the Lance Armstrong craze.

Ah well.
-rick
listening to: Un Metro Cuadrado 1m2 by Jarabe de Palo (and... could this be Chrissie Hynde? Yes, it has to be... who else sounds like Chrissie Hynde? No one, my friends. No one. Appropriately the lyrics are: "i wanna cry/i don't know why") which I am totally loving. Next- Kevin Gilbert.

(PS: Lily if we are not living in the same town within the next 3 weeks? I'm going to do something drastic. Like Patty Hearst kidnapping drastic. I don't wanna hurt your voice mail's feelings, but it's just not as sympathetic as your lovely self in person. although, the message STILL makes me laugh every time I hear it. God bless Gabriel.)

That's the kind of greeting a girl likes. Not this "Hello, you look wonderful" stuff

Barbara Bel Geddes died today- she was 82. Most people will remember her from the show DALLAS, but I will always cherish the memory of her as one of my favorite characters in one of my favorite films. She played James Stewart's gal pal, Midge, in VERTIGO. Midge was, to use one of my dad's favorite descriptions, a "neat" girl, a character I found to be incredibly lovable & even sorta identified with. So God bless Barbara Bel Geddes.

Men will develop mincing walks, unnatural timidity and feminine emotions...

"Placed beyond the law through position, clever, unscrupulous, contemptuous of decent people, their influence is sinister and profound. No accurate estimate on their number can be determined."
That's a quote from William Hearst's Journal-American newspaper in 1943, explaining the term "Homosexuals" to "normal" people. But I'm sure that Fred Phelps says something similar in his "I hate those fags!" newsletter. The only thing that I can identify with is being contemptuous of others... although mostly it's just rude customers, right-wing hating psychos and R. Kelly. I like decent people. I am decent people.
It made me think of a line from a silly movie I love, "Straight-Jacket"- There's this whole hearing- sorta like the Communist hearings, but it's all over this gay actor. He said something like "the only difference between you and us is that we mean you no harm."

end thought of the day.
-rick
reading: The Gay Metropolis by Charles Kaiser
watching: the sub-par American version of CRACKER
longing for: Chili's cheesesticks. LILY!!!!!!!

i believe when i fall in love this time it will be forever

no, i didn't meet anyone. it's just that if i chose some lyrics for the title that fit my mood they'd have to be from the downward spiral. (which, btw- i kinda want on dualdisc because they remastered it in 5.1 stereo and THAT would kickass. like suicidal surround sound)

i'm writing when i ought to be at work already. but it's pouring rain, crashing thunder and i'm not having it. so i called in... late. yes. late. it would have been so easy to say "i can't make it" but i said "i can't make it... on time." i'm so frustrated in the lack of cooperation/communication regarding my transfer that it's not even funny. the whole thing is back in the hands of my store manager, which doesn't thrill me- i was *so* relieved when it was sent to the district manager & i thought things would really be moving- but now it's back to my manager, who has to make some calls...? i don't know, but considering that it took him a month to send an e-mail, i'm not feeling optimistic. and i'm leaving in 8 days. and i just kinda want to cry at this point, but nope, i have to go in... eventually... when i can get a ride. i should've just called out sick, stayed home & finished watching my Mary Tyler Moore dvds.

in other news... well, not completely unrelated, but i've finally got all my stuff organized for the move. a bookcase filled to the brim with the dvds i'm taking, my tv stand organized, all the wires from all the little toys labeled. my cds are separated, ready to go and my books... well, there's two rows of stacks of books. the *must go* books & the *when i find out the measurements of the room, i can decide whether they go or not* books. which have been migrating slowly to the *must go* stacks. Clothes? that's easy. I can do that monday, no problem. I'm worried that I won't have enough room for the things I'm bringing, to be honest. But whatever. I just want to get there, to be honest.

can't wait for my last day at work. i need a new store to work in... i feel like i'm becoming part of the furniture there.

ok that's enough for today.
rick
listening to: Ella Fitzgerald "The nearness of you" from my Romantic Bullshit playlist. (I needed something cheery)
in the bookbag: The Gay Metropolis